It is the week of the year when every gift shop in the city is brimming with red hearts, artificial roses and glassy eyed teddy bears holding up cheesy messages on fluffy pink hearts, a rose costs an outrageous 50 rupees apiece and anything that is red in color has a new,higher price tag on it. Well, its cupid’s season and love is in the air, and so are the saffron robed self-righteous. Despite all the burning of gifts every year, threats of beatings and making a girl tie a rakhi on a boy’s hand if seen together, this time they have come up with something totally new; to get them married! So to all the young lovers out there, here is a list of what not to do this valentine.
- Do not venture out with your friend or brother and more importantly, refrain from showing any form of affection to them while you are out, because you might end up married to them.
- If you are a commitment-phobe (like so many in this generation are), do not go out in public however much your partner pesters you to, because it’s a scam on their part. They know that all they have to do is hold your hand and BAM! Before you know it, you will be in a temple doing the seven rounds of the fire.
- Non-Hindus should not go out at all, because if caught with a Hindu, you will be made to sit through an excruciating lecture on how you are following the wrong religion and you actually are a Hindu from some long-lost-mixed-in-the-dust ancestor. To prove your love, you might even have to perform a shuddhikaran (purification). But wait, Now that I think of it, this might be much easier than to actually prove your love. It’s so tough to keep promises, take responsibilities and talk to your partner’s parents, right? I say do the ceremony.
- If your parents are against your relationship, do not hide or be away from your partner on this day. Go out and declare your love without hesitations and you will have the perfect excuse to get the parents to agree, finally, their arguments silenced forever!
- All the social media freaks are requested to be careful and not post sefies or love-struck posts, because a special team of 8 will be monitoring the social media too and prosecuting young-love. Score for all the technology that has been invented to trace terrorist and criminal activities on line!
Even though it has been stressed that our country was once known for spreading love, sadly, now it’s a place where is it okay to piss in public but not to kiss in public.